Turn on the TV, listen to the radio, pick up a newspaper and you will be bombarded with sex. Sex sells and advertisers know that. However, when asked about sex and seniors and no we are not talking about high school students there is a huge void of attention. For many people they would be more comfortable knowing about their children’s sex life than their parents’. Society treats seniors like they are asexual, like that is no longer of interest. Well research shows that is not the case.
As a single women in my thirties my friends and I are always complaining about how hard it is to meet people, how women seem to outnumber men, how men seem to like younger women and much to my dismay it seems that is not going to change as I get older. Many senior women outlive the men in their lives and society tends to view older women as less attractive than older men so they often find that older men have opportunities to date younger women. In a recent AARP study 21% of women over 75 had partners as compared to 58% of men in the same age group. Marilyn Renaudette, an elder clinician, commented that she has senior “friends” who are dating (yes, it's like going through puberty again. They referred to this as the Sexy Sixties) and this is frequently a subject of conversation when the 'girls' are together (yes, our teen years and twenties are revisited again). Dating is difficult due to all of the youthful expectations in our society about sex. It's important for the older generation to know that sex doesn't have to stop but it may take 'different' forms.”
But before you become discouraged and think that all of the news is bad about sexuality and aging think again. Today’s seniors are staying active and that includes a healthy sex life. Recent advances in medicine including Viagra have allowed couples to continue a regular sex life. In fact among seniors aged 75 and older with partners 25% of those said they has sex at least once a week and over 70% with partners had sex at least once a month. For younger seniors the numbers are even higher, 87% of married men and 84% of married women in the 60-65 group are sexually active.
Walter Bortz, author of three books on healthy aging as well as several studies on senior’s sexuality has been quoted as saying “Use it or lose it”. A Duke University study shows that some 20% of people over 65 report having a better sex life now than ever before. Many seniors are retired, the kids are out of the house and couples have more time to devote to their relationship.
One startling statistic is that as seniors stay more sexually active they are opening themselves up to many of the same risk younger people face and are not prepared for them. Many seniors grew up in time where people did not openly discuss sexuality so they may not be as up to date on the risk of venereal disease as younger people and since the threat of pregnancy is not an issue many seniors do not take precautions. That is why women over the age of 50 are among the fasting growing group to be infected with HIV and other venereal diseases. Those over 50 years old make up 10% of the newest AIDS cases and 14% of those who are living with AIDS. Also due to physical changes seniors are more vulnerable to infection, have weakened immune systems and other factors that can make them more vulnerable to venereal disease.
It is time for society to accept that people of all ages are sexual beings and that while physical and emotional relationships may change over time the need for people to feel connected to others does not diminish. Over 85% of those over 60 said that they have some sort of intimate experience once a week including kissing or intercourse. Some topics may be awkward to have but society needs to know that people do not change who they are just because they are labeled as seniors.
Sarah Lemnah writes on senior issues for the Champlain Valley Agency on Aging. This article originally appeared in the Burlington Free Press.
