For thousands of families across Vermont there is a daily struggle to take care of loved ones who are sick or in failing health. Often times adult children and elderly spouses are called upon to provide direct care to their loved ones. Many families agonize over whether they should take care of their loved one at home or if they need to place them in a nursing home. Sometimes families can not afford nursing home care, sometimes they emotional can not deal with the idea of placing them in a home, and others rely on the help of paid caregivers to lessen the burden.

When someone is failing and needs constant care the caregiver is balancing primary care such as feeding, bathing, dressing their loved one with buying groceries, paying bills, cleaning the house and arranging medical appointments. What is often overlooked is the caregiver. Often times caregivers will pre-decease the one they are giving care to. Caregivers are stressed out, overtired, and often are receiving little support from others. Many caregivers are so focused on their loved one that they do not take of themselves.

At some point most of us will be caregivers. Whether it is a parent, a spouse, or sibling who is failing due to Alzheimer’s, Cancer, Parkinson’s, MS or a whole host of other chronic illnesses. I know first hand the struggle to balance a job, take care of a loved one, and try to make sure everything keeps running. There is a juggle of schedules to try to make doctor’s appointments or to make sure that your loved one is not left alone and the first casualty on the to do list is anything to do with keeping the caregiver healthy. For those taking care of loved ones with Alzheimer’s there is additional stress when their parent or spouse no longer recognize them and rely on their care for years.

According to Lori Wright, Franklin County Home Health and Alzheimer Association Educator, "caregivers are isolated, friends and families look away because they don't know what to say or do." Caregivers are at risk for burnout and depression. Talking to other caregivers in support groups can help to find the nearest support group call 1-800-642-5119 or click on cvaa.org.

According to Wright caregivers should look out for warning signs of burnout. Caregivers may be fatigued from lack of sleep, have memory loss, be confused, have anger outburst, having tearing outburst, they may not want to eat or they may eat too much. Wright recommends that caregivers try to get as much help as they can, “try to have some quiet time, and do something good for yourself.” Many caregivers do not ask for help they think they can cope, but caregivers need people to help them make it through this difficult journey.

Many adult children and spouses feel guilty about the idea of nursing home care. Many say they promised their loved one that they would never be in a nursing home but sometimes it comes to a point that families can no longer care for their loved one. Wright tries to tell caregivers that when they promised their loved ones that they would stay home the situation was different. Those promises were made when their loved one was healthy or less dependent and now that the situation has changed they must understand that their parent or spouse would not want to put them through this, that they would understand.

For those struggling to care for loved ones at home they should remember that they will be of no use to those who rely on them if they do not take care of themselves. Caregivers need to make sure that they are keeping themselves healthy, they need to make sure they have some time away, and they need to reach out to family, friends, neighbors and professional caregivers to help.

Birchwood Terrace is presenting a seminar “Caring for the Caregiver” with Lori Wright to provide education, helpful tips, and to empower families caring for a loved one through challenging times. The seminar is open and free to the public.

“Caring for the Caregiver”
Tuesday, April 24, 7pm
Birchwood Terrace Healthcare
43 Starr Farm Road
Burlington

For information contact
Stefanie Catella
863-6384
stefanie_catella@kindredhealthcare.com

Sarah Lemnah writes on senior issues for the Champlain Valley Agency on Aging. This article originally appeared in the Burlington Free Press.